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.ME.Somehow I end up alone, always one way or another
is it that strange, that it is not your fault but my own.
I could end up blaming you, yet my tears only tell me
that this is my very own fault, my blame as it is mine.
I like to dream, that miles away is where I belong
that my salvation lays there, my neverending peace
my heart now doubts it, because alone I am crying
without you there, crying quietly alone in my room
I believe that crying is weak, yet some say I am wrong
but I do not believe them, beacuse these tears are weak
and I do not got the strenght to stop them, cursed tears
their falling down, neverending, your just as weak as me
I was born as everyone else, pure and innocent. As you.
But i ended up as something deeply different as I grew
as if someone had torn of my wings, I grew tainted.
But I cannot blame you, becase this is me, my fault.
I cannot wash off the stains that is burned into me, my soul
I cannot change the dark blood my soul have spilt, nor you
I can look in the
Black Wings - the startMy name is Ashlee, now I feel so old, so grey. As life passes by I keep remembering them, everyone who ever mattered to me, some faint, and some so very close to my heart as it just happened yesterday. As years passes I may forget again, I might forget them all. But one thing I do know, I will never forget him. Kai was his name; I've told people about it, some assume it was all a dream and it never happened. It's not one of those happy summer tales, with happy endings and flowers everywhere. Where should I start, it may sound like the beginning of a million of other stories. But this one isn't some lovely fairly tale, this happened, this is apart of my life. I was young, 15 years old. Hadn't even seen any part of the world expect the little town I grew up in. I had just gotten my first heartache, my first crush; David was his name had been a friend of mine. The last few months he had been flirting with me, calling me sweet names and giving me the impression he had some feeli
this known pathwalking down this path again
my entire heart is screaming no
but my body just wants more
i have been here before
last time, i ended up broken
but this time i just cant stop
and i am scared, yet i cannot stop
if i ask, they all tell me to stay
don't be blinded by fear
so i stay, to look what this time will bring
whatever it is, i'm sure i'll stay strong
for i have survived up til now, i can again
.l o s t in e t e r n i t y.walking around in the blizzard,
looking into the darkness
am i really lost in eternity
for when i think of you
thats how i feel, so lost
lost in the sweet sense of eternity
and am i not always thinking of you
then, if it feels like this
aren't i lost in eternity
it's such a sweet yet cruel taste
being so lost in eternity like this
like a trapped fairy in a glassbowl
something so beautifull,yet painful,
my heart is shaking, worse then a thunderfall
like its about to break or something worse.
lost in eternity, what an odd feeling.
this feeling im having, is it sorrow
or is it peave, lost in eternity - both
.:: your name, my scar ::..:: your name, my scar ::.
it's hunting me now, never easing from my mind
wherever i turn, your name is whispered from my lips
pretending your forgotten, stopped talking about you
yet, in my mind, your name never disapered away.
sometimes, just sometimes i get a urge, a deep urge
to burn your name into my skin, the name i cant forget
put it someplace i can hide it, yet watch upon it.
just to make your name disapere from my mind, your name...
i don't want to forget, i want to remember you, like a warning
but the burden of these heavy memories, pain, such pain.
it becomes to much, and i know it will break me. only break me.
i try denying it, i try forget it. it only gets worse.
somewhere miles and miles away you are, i don't know where
and i cant seem to stop missing you, yet your never coming back
when i know i never knew you, i only want you here more
your name, is my scar. because it will burn forever, and ever
close my eyes, and all i see is you, the memories you left me with
.:. her ::.Oh, princess, why did u come
to save me, help me.
Is it a selfish act,
or is it mearly out of love
or out of wanting to help
oh you dark angel,
why did you come back
when you once left for good
when i thouth i was safe,
so i no longer could hurt you
why did you come to me,
when you know the pain
i once caused you, o why and why
its all i ask, because i dont know
because i want to know
or is it only, that your born this kind
that you don't want to see people hurt
or is it that you want to understand
to know, to read people.
Is it a game to you? Or is it kindness
either way, i am greatful
for you, to come around
i dont care, for what reason
your soul, heals.
do not mistake: a love poemback then, when you where mine
then, i loved you so highly.
Do not mistake that love
for something as simple as lies
those words i told you
they where ment for you.
Those nice and warm words
ment for you, and only you
my love for you, used to be so strong
now time has gone, we went our ways
my love is changed, as we both did
do not mistake that, for lies
back then, when you where mine
then we were happy, for awhile
life moved on, our past remains the same
yet in a calm sense, i love you still.
.: best friends forever :..:: bestfriends forever ::.
that was what we was,
that was what we said
best friends forever -
our magic words
hand in hand
like nothings wrong
we enjoyed life,
as it came everyday
the bad, the good
we remained close,
never to drift away
my hand seeks yours -
and your gone,
you packed your bags
and walked away,
going out somewhere
and leaving me alone
the words forever,
crushed infront of me
all lost in darkness
and i still look at the sky
asking where you are,
you've forgotten me yet
or if your still thinking of me
once we where
best friends, now -
we're only doomed
to be strangers
another baka poem bout cutingthe pain fades away, as the tears fall down and blood spill
the pain fades away, as another bottle with pills go empty
all the nights i cried myself to sleep because of you
i just want to forget it all, all those times i did forget
somehow i cant forget you any longer, as every memories
every moment i shared with you, is stabbing me deep.
the pain fades away, as i cut myself deeper and deeper
and i force my pain away, with all the wrong things
someone ask me, whats wrong, wonder if I'm okay,
and all i do is look at them, with tears in my eyes
because every thought i have about you, kills me on the inside
to the end, where i go insane. breaking slowly, dieing on the inside
the pain fades away, yet i still find myself crying
the pain fades away, yet my heart is still bleeding
and everything around me is reminding me of you,
everyone around me telling me I'm thinking to much
yet my heart don't let go, my heart keep hurting.
and i don't understand, why i cant move on. I'm still crying
ViolinI remember the day
you told me violins
were strung with cat gut
and that is why
you hated music
(who says that to a child?)
I followed you
all that summer.
I watched you
grow away from mother -
your whiskey held better conversations
and all she did was cry.
We'd sit cross-legged on the porch
and count the horseflies
settling on our lunch.
You would drown tadpoles
in a bucket
surprised they could not swim
and I would dream
of cherry popsicles.
And when night would gather
on the sidewalk
I'd hold my breath
until a star appeared.
Don't bother making wishes
you'd tell me -
stars are dead weight in heaven
and God has cloth ears.
My School Says I'm Worthless (sort of a rant)I'm a criminal because my values aren't their values
And I'm scum to say the least
Because I'm not on their list
Ones who have their lives set out
And drink from molten glory raining down from
School top balconies...
And I have myself left to blame for all the non-attempts
And truancies; the bleak distractions
That help me escape the inviolable test-score stares
Of disapproval that I attract from their
And they're forced to ask me 'Why?
Why are you still here?'
And I can barely say
That I'm afraid to leave.
That I know that no-one knows
Or what they want to be
But unlike those
I gave up
A while ago
And they can't tell me to my face that I'm a failure so they heavily imply
That my lacking presence
And even less impressive
Tendency for slacking off is evidence
That I am stupid and a fool and nothing more than such a waste of resources
And it's a disappointment
That I don't hold their ideals
VesselYour heart is a compass.
Broken, perhaps, but I know
It’s always searching for the North Star.
Which way will your beard point tonight?
DanielYou are vertebrae
reinforced with titanium
that does not make you the lesser -
You’ve got the weight of the world
on one shoulder
sometimes you trip because of it -
you’re still walking
and if things fused wrong
post or anterior
and if things fused out in the interior
your circuits live on
and if your thoughts get circular
or so do your moods
and your mind blanks and you forget -
you’re nervous but strong -
then I’ll remind you.
Because you give me
the backbone required
you’re my Atlas, so I lift my head,
you’re my axis, so I can face the future
because you are vertebrae
reinforced with titanium.
You’re my inner strength.
FallingFailure after failure
A life not worth living
Lost in my misery
Long gone are the good moments
I keep falling
Nothing can save me now
Gone my hopes are
Because He'sHe’s listening
Millions of them.
A flash of red
And a navy hat
No warning – now motionless
With skin turned to shadows.
.:: Broken Childhood ::..:: Broken Childhood ::.
I wish I could be the one you were proud off,
I wish I could be as perfect as you want me to be.
But I know this pain only exsist as a provement,
that I am not the child you want me to be.
I wish you would be interested in me, and in my life.
I wish you could care, but these tears only prove,
that you don't, that I'm not the child you want.
You still turn your back to me. Like I'm not there.
Your not a bad person, your eyes just never search for me,
as I do not live up to your expeditions, I never did.
You rather cover your eyes, and ears, for the wicked child,
that child you brougth to life, because you do not want me.
Some day I know I will find a place I belong too,
a place where this pain will fade away, even if scars stay.
But I know, that some day will be without you,
because even now, you still don't accept me.
[transmissions of a dead girl]i am the
moon: i am
the silver pill
to weigh down
into leaden eyes--
i am the
of the dark.
the stars are
all dead in their
you'll be safe, dear,
as i am the moon,
with all of your
(i am good bye and yet,
you think only of romantic
i am the moon.
i am the crescent
and dead altogether,
i still die.
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